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Breakup

Balloon Child Mural Girl Innocent Heart GraffitiEpisode 74:  Breakup, by host, Laura Milkins. Our guest, Jeff Brennan, tells the story of his depression how having a routine and regular therapy have gotten him through his struggles with depression, drugs and alcohol. Sunday, December 10, 2017.

Life is balance of holding on and letting go.  -Rumi

Elite Daily

Your Post-Breakup Depression Isn’t About Missing Your Ex (Excerpts)

By John Alex Clark

https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/post-breakup-depression-missing-ex/1710401

Understanding the reasons behind what you’re feeling enables you to take control of your emotions. It will help you realize why you’re feeling a certain way right now.

This will then help you to fall out of love with your ex, recover and move on faster.

Here are five psychological things that could be the reasons behind to your post-breakup depression:

1. You’re worried about the future.

One of the major factors that lead to the terrible way you feel after a breakup is concern for the future.

But this pain has nothing to do with your ex or any “love” you think you have for them — it has to do with your own personal worries.

Concerns like this should be isolated from the love you think you have for your ex.

2. Bottled-up emotions are now coming back to the surface.

People in relationships sometimes use the relationship as a way to run and hide from other negative emotions and personal problems. These problems could be family issues, financial difficulties or struggles regarding work or social life.

If this is the case, you will really feel bad after the breakup because you’ve lost your escape from reality.

Again, this element is not related to your ex or how you feel about them.

You’re likely projecting your unhappiness with your life onto your breakup because it’s easier to place the blame on something that’s obviously painful — like a breakup — than it is to admit the problem was within you all along.

3. Your pride is damaged.

When you get dumped, it’s natural for your pride to take a hit. And when your pride gets hurt, you translate it into pain.

Learning how to handle this on its own will enable you to take control of this particular element of the pain you’re experiencing. After all, a bruised ego doesn’t equate to heartbreak.

Some of the pain you’re feeling is your pride’s pain, not your heart’s.

4. You’re having self-confidence issues.

What is wrong with me? Is there something missing or lacking? Am I not smart or good-looking enough? Where did I go wrong? What else could I have done?”

When you get dumped, it’s normal for you to think something is “wrong” with you. This element of your pain, however, is not related to love or your ex. It’s actually about how you perceive yourself.

It roots from self-esteem and self-confidence issues that should be addressed independently to lessen the pain you’re feeling.

5. You’ve lost your routine.

When you’re in a relationship, you get used to certain routines you did as a couple. This includes traveling together, celebrating anniversaries, having a time of day when you check up on each other, etc.

Any person who experiences a change or loss of such routines will go through withdrawal. This is the last element that contributes to the post-breakup pain you feel that is not intrinsically related to your ex.

You will feel this emotion regardless of who you’re in a relationship with and how much you loved them. It should not be confused with the feeling of love.

It’s the loss of the routine that hurts, not the loss of the person.

The pain you feel after a breakup is not solely related to love, but rather is caused by combined emotions and feelings rooting from personal thoughts and experiences.

Understanding the reasons behind the pain after a breakup empowers you because you can then realize the depression is not always going to be related to love or to your ex. This helps you take control of these emotions and deal with them separately.

To get over someone fast, you need to dismantle false beliefs about love that have been instilled in us by the the movies we see and the music we listen to.

In place of these false beliefs, you need to place the reality of what really causes your pain after a breakup.

Don’t dismiss the heart, even if it’s filled with sorrow. God’s treasures are buried in broken hearts.  –Rumi

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Hopeless

TDP Episode 73 photoEpisode 73:  Hopeless, by host, Laura Milkins. Our guest, Urban, tells the story of his depression and how practicing gratitude helps him maintain hope and good mental health. Sunday, November 26, 2017.

Moving Past Hopelessness – Excepts

http://www.halfofus.com/moving-past-hopelessness/

I Feeling hopeless and not sure what to do next? Some days it can be hard to even get out of bed when it feels like there’s nothing we can do to make things better. But there are things we can do. Little steps we can take to help ourselves or someone we know.

Use Your Support Network: A support network doesn’t have to be an army of friends and family. It could be just one person who we can talk openly to about how we’re feeling. It helps to reach out to that person we can be honest with when things are overwhelming.

Challenge Negative Thoughts: A big part of depression or anxiety is those thoughts in our heads that tell us things are bad, we are hopeless and that it won’t get better. The simple exercise of checking those thoughts and challenging them can do wonders for our state of mind. If the thought floats through your mind that things are never going to get better, remember a time when things were bad but did improve. This simple exercise can remind us that feelings generally do pass over time.

Take Care of Yourself: It sounds so simple, but little things like getting enough sleep and eating as healthy as possible can make a huge difference on how we feel emotionally. Lack of sleep can, in and of itself, cause problems with depression and anxiety. Also, exercising has been proven to significantly reduce symptoms of depression.

Use Moderation: We all know that drinking too much or abusing drugs can actually make us feel worse in the long run. Moderation is important when it comes to partying, but it’s also important in other aspects of our lives. If we’re feeling depressed or overwhelmed, we may have to say “no” to certain activities or opportunities. It’s more important to rest and take care of ourselves than it is to do everything.

Most importantly, be proactive and go talk to a counselor in your community if you are worried about your thoughts and feelings. Use our Find Help Now page to get started.

Gray

TDP Episode 72 photoEpisode 71:  Gray, by host, Laura Milkins. Our guest, Viola, tells the story of her depression and how how having depression has made her more compassionate with her students. Sunday, November 12, 2017.

Viola’s Website: http://honkicheung.com

Harvard Health Publishing

https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/the-quirky-brain-how-depression-may-alter-visual-perception

The Quirky Brain: How depression may alter visual perception

Published: November, 2010

When someone is depressed, the world may seem flat or monochrome, even tinged with blue and gray. For a long time, researchers assumed this was a purely psychological phenomenon. But a study suggests that changes in visual perception in people who are depressed may have a biological basis.

Researchers at the Albert Ludwig University of Freiburg in Germany recruited 80 people to participate in their study of visual processing. Forty participants were diagnosed with major depression according to criteria listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV); 20 were taking antidepressants at the time of the study, while the others were not. The other 40 participants, who scored in the normal range on two common depression screening tests, served as controls.

Previous studies of the impact of depression on vision have asked participants to report subjective perception of colors and contrasts. To obtain a more objective measure, the German researchers attached electrodes near participants’ eyes to record electrical responses in the retina as study participants viewed a series of checkerboard patterns with varying degrees of black-and-white contrast. The retina contains cells that react to different wavelengths of light and in turn transmit electrical signals that travel along the optic nerve to the brain, where the information is interpreted as color, shape, and contrast.

When compared with healthy controls, the participants with major depression — whether they were on medication or not — were significantly less able to detect differences in black and white contrasts on the checkerboards. The researchers also found a significant association between severity of depression (as measured by standard clinical instruments) and perception of contrasts. The lowest electrical recordings of retinal activity occurred in those participants who were the most depressed.

The study thus suggests that one reason the world may seem gray when people are depressed is impaired contrast perception. Future research is necessary to replicate the findings, and to determine what other factors (such as impaired visual functioning within the brain) may contribute.

Grief

TDP Episode 71 photoEpisode 71:  Grief, by host, Laura Milkins. Our guest, Daniel Buckley, returns for the 2 year anniversary of The Depression to tell the story of his depression and how working on his current film has been a big challenge to his struggles with depression. Sunday, November 5, 2017.

Letting Go

TDP Episode 70 photoEpisode 70:  Connection, by host, Laura Milkins. Our guests, Destany and her daughter, 7, each tell the story of their depression and how they are getting out of the cycle of abuse and poverty through therapy and their strong mother-daughter connection. Sunday, October 15, 2017.

Destany’s youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzlkSzi3GA-3FB82kxV9j4g

 

Connection

TDP Episode 69 photoEpisode 69:  Connection, by host, Laura Milkins. Our guest, Austin, tells the story of his depression and how getting a sense of perspective and practicing gratitude helped him focus outward on what he could do to help others, rather than focusing inward and feeling depressed. Sunday, October 8, 2017.

10 Ways to Deepen Your Connections With Others (excepts)

http://www.chopra.com/articles/10-ways-to-deepen-your-connections-with-others

1. Smile

Smiling at another person is one of the simplest ways to connect with them, and it only takes a second.

2. Make Eye Contact

When you make eye contact and choose to be completely present with other people, it cultivates a level of trust and safety that allows them to open up even more.

3. Schedule Quality Time

In today’s world, there’s a bigger emphasis on running around and getting things done than there is on making time to connect with others.

4. Listen With Your Heart

When you can listen from your heart rather than your head, you’re able to be present while someone else shares. When you feel heard—really heard—by another, it deepens your level of trust and connection with them.

5. Actively Love

The art of actively loving happens when you turn love into a verb instead of simply viewing it as a state. Practice doing things for—and with—people that demonstrate you love them.

6. Communicate Consciously

Relationships require open, compassionate, and conscious communication. Effective communication asks that you show up in the conversation without engaging in melodrama or blaming others or yourself.

7. Dig Deeper

Through doing your own personal development work, you come to know and understand yourself at a deeper level. As this journey unfolds, you inevitably learn more about those who play a role in your life experiences.

8. Be Present and Focused on the Other

Ask people about their lives, their families, their hobbies, goals, and visions. Then, really listen to what they have to say.

9. Establish Go’s and No-Go’s

Another profound way to connect with others is to dip below the surface and explore the deeper level conversations that reveal other people’s likes and dislikes.

10. Be Authentic

Another profound way to connect with others is to be authentically you. Practicing authenticity means being vulnerable.

Reaching Out

TDP Episode 68 photoEpisode 68:  Reaching Out, by host, Laura Milkins. Our guest, Francesca, tells the story of her depression and how rejecting the label of “depression” helps her manage her symptoms, allowing her to accept her emotional state and be honest about how she is feeling. Through yoga and her blog she helps others find their own way through depression. Sunday, October 1, 2017.

Francesca’s website: http://www.francescamichelle.com/
Francesca’s blog: https://www.frenchygold.com/

Except’s from this week’s show from Psych Central:

Reaching Out

4 Ways To Reach Out When Depressed By Graeme Cowan

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/12/12/4-ways-to-reach-out-when-depressed/

1. Talk to those around you

You don’t have to formally inform someone that you feel like you have clinical depression.

Instead, you can simply say that things have been a bit tough for you lately and that you’re struggling to cope. Ask if they can listen to you without judging for a little while, and then tell them how you feel and what you’re going through. You may be surprised how supportive, empathetic or understanding your family member or friend may be.

2. Join support groups

There is nothing like being able to talk with people who really understand what you are going through — fellow travelers — those who also live with depression or bipolar. There are specialized depression or bipolar groups, and those that support all mental health challenges.

3. Call a support line or reach out online

These provide total anonymity and support from either trained counselors or people who have been through depression and survived.

Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the U.S. (800-273-TALK), or the worldwide network BeFrienders (http://www.befrienders.org/need-to-talk). Tucson HOPE Warm Line, 520.770.9909

4. Read others’ stories

Reading the documented struggles of others from all walks of life when it comes to depression can help provide you with a sense of both perspective and scale. Not only are you not alone — many more people are afflicted than you may have initially thought.

Food

TDP Episode 66 photoEpisode 66:  Food, by host, Laura Milkins. Our guest, Dawn Keller, tells the story of her depression and how medication, diet and exercise helped her through the toughest time in her life. Sunday, September 10, 2017.

Dawn’s website: https://blueskiesbydawn.wordpress.com/

WebMD

http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/depression-and-weight-connection#1

Is Depression Wrecking Your Weight?

Eating Yourself Blue

Some foods, especially foods with high sugar and/or fat content, make you feel better, if only briefly,” says psychiatrist James Gordon, MD, author of Unstuck: Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey out of Depression.

That good feeling makes you want to eat more, which in turn makes you feel bad about yourself,” Gordon says. “That leads to deeper depression, and more eating, and greater amounts of weight gain. It’s a vicious cycle.”

Getting out of that cycle can be a real challenge.

When you are depressed, it is much harder to get out of bed, much less pay attention to what you are eating,” says Edward Abramson, PhD, an emeritus professor of psychology at California State University at Chico and the author of Emotional Eating: What You Need To Know Before Starting Another Diet.

For doctors, it’s less important to know which came first: the patient’s depression or the weight problems. The question is, which one should get the most initial attention?

If someone comes to me who is severely depressed and overweight, the depression is going to be the primary focus,” says Abramson.

However, he continues, an eating disorder that causes a patient to binge might need to be addressed first: “If their eating is out of control, that becomes the primary focus.”

Change

TDP Episode 65 photoEpisode 65:  Change, by host, Laura Milkins. Our guest, Angela Orlando, tells the story of her depression and how a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and finding the right medication cocktail made all the difference in her life. Sunday, August 27, 2017.

Angela’s Website and Facebook:

Women’s Wilderness Writing Workshops: http://www.wilderwriters.com  and  https://www.facebook.com/wilderwriters/

Information on Change and Depression

I couldn’t find anything about the desire to change your life when depressed… but there were plenty of articles on how to change your life if you are feeling depressed. I just feel like I want a new life.

University of Minnesota
https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/manage-health-conditions/anxiety-depression/what-lifestyle-changes-are-recommended-anxiety-and-depre
What Lifestyle Changes are Recommended for Anxiety and Depression?

Exercise, Diet, Alcohol, Sleep, Thoughts & Emotions, Stress Reduction, Social Support, Purpose