Episode 30: Honesty, by host, Laura Milkins. Our guest, Priya, tells the story of her depression, and how deciding to become an artist lead her out of depression. Sunday, June 24, 2016
Depression: Family and Friends Can Help
Few decisions are as personal as whether to tell a loved one that you are suffering from major depression. “Telling someone about depression isn’t something that you should enter into lightly, but if you choose a person whom you can trust, it can be a positive experience,” Davis says.
Xavier Amador, PhD, an adjunct professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University, says confiding in one trusted person is a key part of the treatment. “If you can, try to find someone who believes that depression is an illness. Most people don’t know all that much about it. A lot of suffering is prolonged by not telling someone.”
Kristen, who asked that her last name not be used, says she had been depressed for most of her teenage years. But she didn’t tell her parents about her illness until she landed in a psychiatric ward at the age of 20 and they called her cell phone, wanting to know where she was. “I didn’t want to put them through it, even though I had been depressed for a long time. I knew how much it would hurt them, and I didn’t want to do that to them,” she says.
Kristen, now 25, said her parents were “fantastic,” educating themselves about depression and acting as case managers by interacting with her treatment team when she could not.
She says that people who are depressed have to do what’s best for them in their situation. “I know people whose parents kicked them out of the house, or who don’t believe in depression,” she says. “Whether to divulge or not is a very personal thing.”
How to Approach Family and Friends
Most people still know little about major depression. A loved one may be frightened by seeing someone in its grip, even if they want to help.
You may not want or be able to go into a lengthy discussion with them about what major depression is, but Davis recommends that you don’t sugarcoat it either. “If you have severe depression, tell them,” he says.
You might tell the person that you probably won’t feel like talking much or doing any of the activities you used to enjoy, but that their support is comforting. If you feel like going for a walk or seeing a funny movie, ask them to go with you but not to push you to do more.